Innuendo

It smells of cheap wine and cigarettes/

Sometimes I think I’d like to watch it burn.

The Wallflowers One Headlight

Tonight I go to present on Voice and Inflection at TES. There’s really only one thing to be said on the topic- it’s the same thing that matters when you talk about D/s or S/m or any of the sacraments. I can’t just say it to the crowd. They won’t get it. They don’t have the decoder ring.

I was once asked about knife play… the guy asking has been around forever, 30+ years. Sweet guy. But he and I are not the same species, never will be, Never have been. He commented that “If you are with a partner and trust them with a knife, how can you really be afraid of them with a knife? How can you make them afraid?”

I looked at him and gave him the only truth in all of this, the only truth I have found to matter, the fact that differentiates status quo from sacrament:

“You have to mean it.”

He did not get it.

They never do.

“You can turn your back on a person… but never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it’s waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye.”

HST – Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Here…

Trouble…

-HHH Entrance music

I post here often when I am working things out, or overwhelmed by some feeling or another. Sometimes I try to be funny, when I am in a good mood. It has been pointed out to me that often Innuendo is “dark and obtuse”. (Actually, I kind of like that.) But that often I do not come across as … positive.

I know at least one person who reads here hoping that my sky is falling at last. Like my own phantom Chicken Little of Doom, she clucks, pecks and scratches hoping that “karma will finally work fast enough” for her. I suppose whan that happens, milk and honey will run like… well, milk and honey (Dosen’t that get messy?). It will rain gold coins and dollar bills, all will be right with the world, joy and happiness will prevail, the scales of injsutice will finally balance in her favor, and the earth will crack open and swallow me. The righteous will ascend in some kind of Flying-saucer-winnebago-Rapture, forever and ever, world without end, allelujia. Everybody gets a cookie. Hooray. Great rejoicing.

But until then, it’s time to post about how good things can be.
(more…)

“This is my family. I found it myself. It is little. And broken. But still good. Yah, still good.”

- Stitch

“Ownership -she thought, glancing back at him – weren’t there those who knew nothing of it’s nature and doubted it’s reality? No, it was not made of papers, seals, grants and permissions. There it was – in his eyes.”

- Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

All my strength/

And start again…

Offspring, Defy You

I can never repay you, Bev.

Thank you.

“Forever in debt for your priceless advice.”

Nirvana – Heart Shaped Box

One night, lightning struck the oak tree. Eddie saw it the next morning. It lay broken in half, and he looked into the trunk as into the mouth of a black tunnel. The trunk was only an empty shell; it’s heart had rotted away long ago; there was nothing inside- just a thin gray dust that was being dispersed by the whim of the faintest wind. The living power had gone, and the shape it had left had not been able to stand without it. “

Ayn Rand - Atlas Shrugged (Part One: Non- Contradiction)

First, there’s this. Unrelated, but it made me very happy.

Maybe not so unrelated. One of my favorite stories is called Murder Mysteries, by Neil Gaimian. It’s about a murder in Heaven, and the angel assigned to solve it, and his fall. This angel, our narrator, is no longer allowed to speak with God by the end- but he tells us, should we see Him, to tell Him “I’m still here. And I’m still doing my job.”

Bad Penny. Monkey Paw. You can’t ever read the fine print close enough. Hell, you never get to see the contract. You are what you are, you get what you want, and pay for it. Everybody pays. And what you buy- you get to keep forever. You, me, everybody. I spend a lot of time alone- and now I realize that I may never be alone again. Prayers for rain and dreams of candy.

So I look to my Mother, and say the one thing that makes any sense to me; the only thing which redeems:

I’m still here… and I’m still doing my job.

I’ll never marry. It’s not permanent enough.

And there’s not enough salvation to go around.

“There is a Devil in every story of Mr. Punch. Only sometimes he’s hard to find.”

Neil Gaiman – Mr. Punch

“Go on, take everything, take everything, I want you to.”

- Hole

It made me wonder: “How do scorpions fuck without killing each other?”

The answer of course, is- often, they don’t.

Males and females find each other by vibration, scent and touch. During mating, the sensory pectines under the body are used to find a suitable place for the male to deposit his sperm parcel – the spermatophore. The male and female then perform a mating dance above the spermatophore, with the female being wrestled into position over it in order to draw it up into her genital pore. The fertilised eggs develop inside her body, and she then gives birth to live young. She carries the pale young scorpions on her back for the first few days or weeks, until they are strong enough to become independent. The young then disperse to find food and shelter. Scorpions take a long time to reach maturity, moulting frequently (up to five or six times over two to six years) in order to grow, and may live for two to ten years. Some have been recorded as living up to 25 years.

Violent love: scorpion mating is dangerous for both parties. Most scorpions are loners because of their cannibalistic tendencies. When two scorpions meet, they usually fight until one is killed and eaten by the winner. After mating, the smaller scorpion is often in danger of being eaten. As females are usually bigger, it is the male which usually gets eaten.

The male and female find each other through pheromones, using their pectines. The male usually makes the first move, although some females do so. He usually has a complex courtship display to ensure the female knows he is one of her kind and not lunch. Some males “judder” (rapid rocking, shaking movements) to advertise his species (Vejovoides, Nebo). Some sting the female, possibly with pheromones, sedatives or other species identificators. Others club the female with their tails. Some males (Hadogenes) have ridiculously longer tails than females, suggesting that the length is important more for mating than hunting.

“We would look into one another’s eyes, not without dread; we were bound together, but we no longer felt the slightest hope.”

- Bataille

1. Causing great fear or alarm; dreadful: a terrible bolt of lightning; a terrible curse.

2. Extremely formidable: terrible responsibilities.

3. Extreme in extent or degree; intense: “the life for which he had paid so

terrible a price” (Leslie Fiedler).

4. Unpleasant; disagreeable: had a terrible time at the party;

terrible food.

5. Very bad: a terrible actor.

I want/ what I want

I want/ what I want

-Tool, Sober